Showing posts with label Can't. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Can't. Show all posts

Sunday, April 14, 2013

...But God, a story from my heart

I was invited to the pulpit this morning to tell my church about the book I wrote, The Wishing Well Curse.  I had told the Pastors it was available on Amazon.com as of yesterday and rather than tell the congregation, he asked me to come up and share. An amazing and exciting announcement, for sure. But when I got the microphone in my hand and started speaking, I realized this was an opportunity to give Testimony to the amazing things God has done in my life to put me where I am today, with a published book.

I am still in awe of the service and the presence that was in our church today. So I feel lead to share my Testimony with you, my Blog friends.

The Wishing Well Curse started out being called A Ghost from a Wishing Well. Because over twenty years ago, the idea come to me to write a story and the plot was inspired by the song, If You Could Read My Mind Love, by Gordon Lightfoot. The idea rolled around in my mind but I never sat down to write. But, then again, I was raising babies, having babies and dealing with a broken life.

A year and a half ago, God orchestrated my life in such a way that I had a lot of time on my hands. The desire woke up to write, and of course, this story ignited once more. So I sat down and wrote it all the way to the end. It was amateurish and really terrible, and I knew it. So I started searching for information. I contacted a writer acquaintance whom I had met through a Tear Drop Trailers Forum. She directed me to ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers) from there I found resources to teach me to write. I downloaded Jeff Gerke's Plot Vs Character book. Read it through and was inspired all over again. I googled Jeff Gerke and found a discussion forum he had started, Where The Map Ends, or Anomaly. From that forum, I was invited to join an online critique group, The Sandbox. I submitted my story to the critique group and started critiquing their work as well. (By the way, you learn a lot about writing by critiquing other people's writing and by having your own work critiqued.)

They gently but firmly tore my story apart and helped me write it so that it was better and better. While I was playing in the Sandbox (that's what we call our time together) I met Pauline Creeden who had started a small publishing company. I think she had been building her company for the past three years. (But that's her testimony) She wanted to publish a collection of short stories about a clockwork dragon. She submitted her own short story to demonstrate what she had in mind for the stories and offered to the critique group an opportunity to write anything, set in any time period, fantasy or contemporary, literally: whatever, as long as it was about the clockwork dragon and the idea that it was home to legion, the many demons from Mark 5:9 and somebody encountering them.

I was inspired. Ideas came to me and I asked her if this idea and that idea was what she was interested in. She told me to write it up and submit it. She'd let me know if it worked for her. Well, my mind went wild. I thought of four stories, then five... On day, my son said, "Mom, stop writing Clockwork Dragon stories." We laughed about that. So I submitted the four stories and talked to another writer who submitted a mermaid version of the story. We decided to write one story together about Fairies at a slumber party.

The Clockwork Dragon was published October 2012. WOW! Then I went back to The Wishing Well Curse and, again, read through it and worked on making it better. I figured well, that was cool.  Now to really published a book. I searched Christian publishers and perused their submission requirements. I worked on putting together a Sale Sheet and synopsis, etc. all the things needed to submit a manuscript to an editor.

Then in December, I received a message from Pauline explaining to me her goals for her publishing company and she asked me if I had any finished manuscripts I'd be willing to submit to her.

WHAT?

I couldn't believe it! Publishers DO NOT come to writers and ask for their manuscripts. It just doesn't happen.

...BUT GOD! 

I gulped and told her about The Wishing Well Curse.  She read it and a few weeks later she contacted me to suggest some major changes in the story line and told me if I was willing to work with her, make these changes, she'd be interested in publishing this story.

After I picked myself up off the floor. Cried for several hours and called all my children!!! Well you know what I'm saying. I said yes, and here we are today. The Wishing Well Curse is available at Amazon.com for e-readers and will be available May 1 in paperback.

Now, please don't shake your head and say, "Well! Some people have all the luck!"

I have had my valley of the shadow of death!  It wasn't an easy road to get here. But when I was so broken, I had no where else to turn, I turned to God. I'm reminded of 2 Chronicles 20:3-22. Jehoshaphat feared the armies approaching to destroy Judah and Jerusalem so he cried out to the Lord and the Lord set ambushes against the men...and they were defeated.

I turned to God and turned to God and turned to God. I have counseled with my pastors, prayed, been prayed over, prayed for others, and I have grown in the Lord. I have followed His lead, which was the unction to write and wrote from my heart that He ignited with a story. And He made a way. He connected me with Pauline and I am assuming (but that's her testimony) that He lead her to ask me the questions, "Do you have a finished manuscript you'd be willing to submit."







Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Fulfilling My Sister's Dream

Those of you who do no know me well, I have a younger sister who is a "Ruebella baby" which means she was born blind and deaf, with other mental limitations and health issues due to our mother having Reubella measles while she was pregnant with her.  She has a dream of becoming a Marine Biologist and running a Shark Center.  She will never accomplish that dream, her special needs prevent that from becoming a reality. However, the beauty of being a writer is that I can write her story as if she had accomplished this dream.  Her name is LeeAnn, but in our fictious story, we call her Faith.  Please enjoy "Blind and Deaf Faith."


Blind and Deaf Faith

Short Story Fiction
By Lynn Donovan
Faith was just like everybody else; she grew up, went to college, established herself in a rewarding career. The only thing she didn’t have—sight and sound.
Gestational Rubella measles left her blind and deaf at birth She knew nothing different. Thirty surgeries, lens implants, and corrective lensed glasses allowed a myopic view of her surroundings. It let her read and maneuver without the gaudy, white cane that screamed, “Blind person walking!”
Hearing was another matter. Hearing aids and even cochlear implants were ruled out early in her life due to her non-existent nerves. But she didn’t care. Life was—as it was. Besides, she could hear through her feet. Approaching footsteps were felt and she would turn toward the person. The mail cart rattled so violently, she knew when to step out of her office and receive her bundle with a nod. Few realized she could not hear. She liked it that way.
As a marine biologist, she communicated with everyone by writing notes or sending e-mails. The notes were simply passed on through intra-office mail or a giant clip on her office door. This aloofness had gained her a reputation as an eccentric bitch, but she’d rather be thought of as a bitch than deaf, handicapped, or worse yet—different.
Besides, she preferred to work alone, except for the sharks. They were her life, her single-minded focus. She loved working with them, studying them, feeding them, and writing about them. Interacting with people was unimportant to her. With her immediate family, mom, dad, and sister, she communicated with her hands. But with the rest of the world, she wrote down her thoughts, commands, and instructions. The internet made that easy. Everyone typed rather than spoke on the internet. She simply refused to participate in any video conferencing where speech was required.
Everything was as she wanted it to be. Her routine was, well—routine, and that suited her fine. She contributed to the knowledge-gathering infrastructure of the marina through her diligence and dedication to sharks. Her life was fulfilling and complete.
Until he walked in.
Dr. Donnie Fitzgerald, PhD., Marine Scientist, and now her supervisor, had been transferred in by a committee she ignored. Her lack of verbal skills had found the one niche she could not fill—public speaking. She could publish anything they needed to disseminate her valuable knowledge about the importance of preserving the sharks and their habitats. She set up social networking sites where she could “chat” with the public. But she could never present any information publically.
Now she had to deal with Dr. Donnie Fitzfumble, Fitzfutile, Fitz-whatever, just stay out of the way. She hated him instantly. In her mind, she signed his name with an F at her right temple. That allowed her to insert an additional vulgar name. Since she was forced to share her office, her marina, and her sharks with him—it was her own delightfully private insult.
“Funding. It all boils down to funding,” signed Hope, her older sister, at Thanksgiving.
“Why can’t we get funding from the blog, Twitter, Facebook, even Pininterest? What about the mail?” Faith demanded. “I set up a webcam. The sharks can be observed twenty-four-seven. Why isn’t that enough?” She folded her arms across her chest.
“Look at me!” Hope gestured with two hooked fingers pointed at her eyes. “Some things require face to face. Sales, fundraising, things same as that, require face to face.”
Faith frowned. She knew Hope was right, but it didn’t make her like it any better.
On the day she and Dr. Fitzgerald were to enter the tanks, she typed up all the shark information, laminated the multi-colored papers and bound them with a plastic ring. She had inserted pictures of the sharks beside the descriptions and, in particular, why they were in captivity. The print was large, so she could see it. To anyone else, it appeared to be benefit readability under water. Since communication underwater was all point and signal anyway, her goal was to point at the picture and then at the actual shark. He could read the rest. Or not.
The scuba gear was arranged on a bench in the non-public access area of the pools. She was mostly geared up when Dr. F arrived. Ignoring him, she hoisted the air tank onto her back. She reached for the regulator, but missed due to the extreme angle it hung from her tank. The hose appeared in her limited peripheral as his fingers guided it toward her face. She grabbed the regulator and jerked away. Sharp, glaring eyes told him she didn’t appreciate his interference. His eyebrows rose but his mouth did not move.
She paused. Glancing back at him, she shrugged. He nodded and returned to squeezing into his wet suit. She’d never considered him before. His muscular limbs and smooth abs might place him around her age, maybe younger. She remembered his face from a photo she had examined. Light sprigs salted his otherwise dark neatly cut hair, but the skin around his aqua-blue eyes was smooth. Premature grey, maybe?
He glanced up at her as he zipped his black and green suit. Her eyes darted to the bench, and she sat down next to the laminated manual. Her heart beat violently in her chest. She consciously inhaled and exhaled to slow down the uncomfortable feelings—all of them. She hoped he would assume she was oxygenating her lungs, preparing for submersion.
Once he bounced up and made a two-finger salute, she stood and handed him the manual. He opened it, scanned the pages, and nodded. She jerked a thumb over her shoulder indicating she was ready to go in. He gave the scuba signal, “okay.” They stepped over to the side of the pool, suspended one finned foot over the water and hopped in. Pain instantly pressed against her skull. She removed her regulator, squeezed the nose of her mask and pushed air out her ears for relief. Dr. F hovered, watching her, then held up the “okay?” sign again. She did the same and took the lead, swimming down into the shark tank.
An eight-foot-long tiger shark swam toward them. Faith reached over to the laminated manual and turned to the orange page. She pointed at the picture and then at the shark as it serpentined past them. Dr. F nodded and scanned the page. He pointed to his side, indicating the shark’s original injury. She nodded and pushed off the bottom of the pool. The shark made a side-ways arch with its spine and doubled back toward them. It slithered through the space they no longer occupied, then doubled back again. She knew its territory had been invaded, and it did not like it.
She swam over to where the nurse shark hung out. She showed Dr. F the appropriate blue page. It had been caught in a fisherman’s net as a newborn. It’d never had a chance to learn to survive in the wild. Now six foot in length, it was a member of Faith’s family. Dr. F held up two index fingers, “small.” Then pointed down, “here.” Faith nodded.
On through the tank they swam locating and identifying each species. A dark mass passed into Faith’s visual range. The Tiger shark was still agitated. It was time they left him alone. She would treat him to fish chunks once they got out. She turned to Dr. F and gestured the scuba sign, “go up.” He signaled, “Okay.” In the lead, she propelled herself toward the exit ladder. A dark hazy contrast against the light-blue wall indicated she wasn’t far from the ladder. Three, maybe four more strokes then she would remove her fins.
Suddenly her chin slammed against her chest and she tasted blood. Her body jerked backward, and the strap to her air tank slipped away from her shoulder. Another jerk pulled the other strap and spun her around. The Tiger shark was attacking her. It held the tank in its razor-sharp teeth and shook it violently, yanking her along with it. She kicked at its underbelly and struggled to remove her arm from the strap. The shark let go of the tank and darted past her. She swirled to keep her eyes on its position. It was between her and the ladder.
Her eyes darted around. Where to escape? Where was Dr. F? The shark arched its spine and glided through the water, straight toward her undulating legs. She drew her legs and arms in close to her body and screamed. Bubbles spilled from her mouth. The shark rammed into her torso. Plastic scraped across her wet suite rather than teeth. She opened her eyes. Dr. F’s multi-colored laminated pages protruded from the shark’s mouth as it shook its head fervently.
A firm grip took hold of her arm. Dr. F kicked long fluid strokes with his fins, pulling her toward the ladder. He shoved her up out of the water and scrambled backward, fins sticking out from the ladder. He fell on his bottom next to her and stuck his feet straight out across the sloshing surface of the pool. Crab-walking away from the sinking dorsal fin, he wiggled to get the air tank off his back. Faith’s eyes darted from him to the water. She could not stop hyper-ventilating. “Uhh, uhh,” the sound escaped her mouth as she tried to regain normal breathing. She swallowed. A metallic, copper taste caused her stomach to lurch. She closed her eyes to fight the nausea.
A hand touched her shoulder. She jerked and kicked away from it. “Uhh!” she screamed. Dr. F grabbed her by both shoulders and held her firmly. She stared into his eyes and shook her head. His eyebrows knitted tightly together, and he slowly nodded as his mouth moved. Something about his face cleared the terror in her mind. She stopped fighting and relaxed. Her head turn to the right. Red covered her shoulder. She jerked away. It wasn’t her, it was him!
Blood flowed from a gash that laid open from his knuckles to beyond his wrist. She grabbed his forearm and squeezed her fingers around the muscle. He looked up into her eyes and smiled, then his eyes rolled up as color drained from his face. He fell limp across her lap. She held tightly to the arm. It was the closest thing to a tourniquet she could devise.
“Ooooo!” she screamed and stamped her foot. “Ooooo! Ooooo!”
She felt the vacuum effect of air moving and knew the heavy doors had been opened. People frantically ran in to them, cell phones to their ears. “Mum, mum, mum.” She screamed the best she could and held up Dr. F’s bloody, torn hand. Someone wrapped something white around Dr. F’s arm and pried her bloody hands off. Adrenaline waned. The room tilted and began to spin. Everything elongated into a darkening tunnel—consciousness waned with it.
# # #
Faith sat next to her family as Dr. Fitzgerald stood at the podium, delivering the speech he and Faith had written. His heavily bandaged hand resting on the podium, it had been six weeks since the accident. Representatives from large corporations sat among local residence as Dr. F spoke. A slide show flashed brightly colored pictures of severely injured sharks; rescuers feverishly scrambling to save them; medical staff, including himself and Faith, administering hypodermic aid to the animals; expansive undersea terrains; healthy, revived sharks traversing the aquarium; and finally young people pressed up against glass walls admiring and learning about the sharks.
The words of his speech scrolled along the bottom of the huge screen. Faith drew her eyebrows together. Subtitles? She scratched out a question on her program and handed it to her sister. Hope glanced down and then back up at her. “Don’t you know?” she signed with small, discreet gestures.
Faith leaned back, “Know what?”
Hope turned her head and glared at her for a moment. “Dr. Fitzgerald is deaf, Faith. The subtitles help the audience understand him. Although, I don’t think they’re necessary.” She leaned away from Faith and shook her head. “You really didn’t know?”
Faith shook her head. She lifted her eyes back to the podium and the man who stood before the people. Suddenly the audience jumped to their feet. Their hands slammed together and vocal vibrations filled the air. Faith stood and clapped too. She smiled at her sister, who stared at Dr. F. Faith touched her sister’s shoulder. Hope turned.
“I saw him first.” Faith signed.
Hope dipped her head and smiled.


 


Sunday, September 9, 2012

Am I Muddying the Water?


The Bible says, 2 “Son of man, take up a lament concerning Pharaoh king of Egypt and say to him: ‘You are like a lion among the nations; you are like a monster in the seas thrashing about in your streams, churning the water with your feet and muddying the streams. Ezekiel 32:2 NIV

The daughters loaded up and left today.  With them went … happiness, I suppose you’d say.  Yes that’s it, happiness.  While they are here, I feel happy; tired, worn out, ready to have my house back, ready to not wash so many dishes, ready to take a nap if I want, but happy all the same.  Now that they are gone, I am alone to deal with my feeling, or lack thereof, for my dementia inflicted mother.  I love my mother, I hate my mother. I feel nothing for my mother.  Somehow in her dementia fog, she knows it.  She keeps saying things like, “honey if I’ve done something to upset you…” 
I look at her with my best practiced confused look and say, “Mom, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  And I either get up off the couch to go do something, like it’s the most important things I need to do at this very moment, or I pick up my Kindle and begin reading, like this is so much more important that talking to her about this “misunderstanding?”  In reality even if I discussed it with her, reassured her I am not upset about anything, which I’m not really, I just don’t enjoy interacting with her, talking to her.  Partly because of the dementia, partly because I just don’t feel like talking to her.  The dementia has reduces her ability to converse to topical, cliché, canned conversations anyway, but even if I did reassure her I was not upset and went into great lengths explaining how I am not upset, she wouldn’t remember my explanation nor the conversation in a few minutes and would probably start the whole thing over again in a few hours. And I really do not like having the exact same conversation about the same subject which I did not want to discuss in the first place.
Yes, I could take the time to reassure her I was not upset with her and that I love her, and in a few hours, she’d say, “Honey, I don’t know what I’ve done to upset you, but I want to tell you I’m sorry.”  For one thing, that’s not an apology.  I hate it when people apologize by saying, “If I did anything wrong, I’m sorry” because that means to me, “I did not do anything wrong but apparently you are mad at me for nothing so I will tell you I’m sorry and you will feel better and be nice to me.”  Yeah, well that doesn’t make me feel better or want to be nice to you.  It makes me madder because you obviously to do recognize what you did or acknowledge your responsibility for what you did.  Either way, you are not apologizing, you are “making nice” and that doesn’t do it for me.
But I say, “Mom, I don’t know what you’re talking about?” 
”Well, I don’t either, but I thought I said something that upset you.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, I thought I said something … silly”
“Well, I don’t think you did.  Maybe you had a dream and thought you said something…But you did not and I’m not upset”
“Well, ok then” she says, maybe ready to put it to rest.
“Ok.” Lord, I hope we are done with this.
And then the next day she will be sitting on the couch watching her favorite TV Channel which has Gun Smoke and Bonanza reruns.  I will have just sat down from puttering around the house, doing whatever needs to be done, like dishes, laundry, straightening up, or checking my e-mail, and she’ll say, “Honey, I wanted to talk to you…”
Oh God here we go again!
I look at Paul for help, but he just gives me a blank glance up from his computer in which he is vehemently playing solitaire, since he’s seen the Gun Smoke episode so many times he could recite every line not to mention it’s not his nor my favorite TV channel.  It’s on that channel for mom and mom alone.
“If there’s anything I’ve said or done.” She starts in.
“Mom, this is the third day you’ve said something about this.  There is nothing that you did or said.  We are alright.” Mic check. Mic check 1…, 2…, 3..., God I hope I don’t sound harsh!  “I think you dreamed this and now you are confused. Don’t worry about it.”
Lord help me love my mother, comfort her, just be nice toward her!
In my mind, I see me putting my arm around her shoulder and comforting her and she feels much better.  But outside of my mind, in my physical reality, I just cannot do it.  So I pick up my Kindle and begin reading, or go outside and check on the tomato plants.  Very important thing I must go do right now, I’ll be back.  Pull some unwanted grass, count how many tomatoes are currently formed and wish I could be a better person toward my mom.  I walk back in the house and tell mom there are three tomatoes and I can’t wait for them to ripen up.
She sounds happy when she responds agreement to the idea that the tomatoes will be wonderful once they are ripe!  She seems happy again.  Thank god.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Do you Feel Like You Can't?

Seriously, do you feel like you can't do what ever it is you want to do?  I want to write.  I have a three bedroom house with one bathroom and four adults living with me. That makes five adults, one bathroom. This picture is of my writing desk, which originally and still is my make-up table.  The papers along the top and sides and stacked next to the computer are all visual aids for the book I was writing at the time.  I sit at this desk and write...what I don't like about it is everytime I look up, I see me in the mirror.  Ugh!  Am I really that fat?  You know, the inner talk!  I try to ignore that critical person inside me!  But my point is...I don't have a quiet, exclusive location where I write.  I write at my kitchen table, at my make-up table, outside on our porch table, where ever...when ever I can.

So, please let me encourage you...if you feel you can't...YES YOU CAN.  Like the shoes: Just do it!  Get 'er done.  When you can, how you can, where you can.  And if you can't, pray about it.  Many, many times, God knows a way.  If we will seek his thoughts, He'll show us how.

What do you think? Come sit on the porch with me and let's visit.